| theres like two in the middle, but handwritten |
[13 Nov 2005|10:44pm] |
| [ |
music |
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most of the "A" artists in my itunes library |
] |
To: Gavin Ellowitz of the Future
From: Gavin Ellowitz of Right Now
Subject: Senior Journal
Date: 13 November 2005
This is the journal for the week of 6 November, 2005. *The prompt, “Advice I Can Give,” will doubtlessly go unwritten upon.
I wish I had a laptop so I could write this outside; outside it smells gloriously of November. It could be described as smelling fleetingly of November, as I have been inside for less than ten minutes and already I have forgotten the details of the divine odor. It wafts into the air once a year for about a month, from mid-October to late-November. It is accompanied by the first, most pleasant chilly weather and those dreamy evenings colored by rosy and peachy sunsets. I’m sure that if I’d ever lived on the East Coast or anywhere else it smells like this I would have an intense nostalgia to brag about to my friends who’ve never lived anywhere but Orange County, where it can’t really smell like this. But unfortunately, I have only lived in Orange County so I have no enviable childhood to flaunt.
Honestly, Orange County is nothing to complain about. Honestly.
I really despise writing. This type of introspective, undirected, unfocused writing, at least. Because I need to think, and thinking gets me down. That’s why I try my best to avoid it as much as possible. Thinking about anything substantive lends itself to thinking about living life past 23 June. That is terrifying. More terrifying than the merits of 400 words-worth of a session of deep pondering truly warrants. And that’s why thoughtless garbage is so popular. In every medium. An animated character in the movie Waking Life, while deliberating upon why so few people throughout time rose to the levels of great philosophers such as Plato, Doestevsky, Nietzche, etc. asked, “Which is the more universal human trait: Fear or Laziness?”
While I revere and regard philosophy, for some reason I am frustrated that it is venerated so. It is really the work of those who are bad at living. Those who are so perturbed by the system of life and survival — which, though few like to admit, has been around since the earliest governing laws have governed the universe and is not going anywhere — that they feel the need to question it and look upward and outward as often as inward. They’ve all reached the same immobile, useless conclusion: Life Is But A Dream, put it into their own words and terms and it has brought no great education to Humanity no matter how it is enumerated.
That’s no way to end a journal, but I’m doing it anyway because I have omnipotence over these letters and words.
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| Week 2 even though it's really Week 4 |
[16 Oct 2005|10:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Owen - No Good For No One Now(album) + mewithoutYou |
] |
To: Gavin Ellowitz of the Future
From: Gavin Ellowitz of Right Now
Subject: Senior Journal
Date: 16 October 2005
This is the journal for the week of 7 October 2005. *The topic, the most important people to me will not be discussed.
I don’t like to listen to indie music anymore. It puts ideas in your head that you’ve had all of these romantically harrowing times and experiences which I certainly haven’t had. The reaching chords, wandering medium and slow tempos, technical simplicity and first person perspective make you feel as though you wrote these lovesick ballads. The universally heart wrenching lyrics are perfect for copying and pasting into a teenage Instant Messenger profile to give the impression that the copy and paster in question is the tragic hero in the story he pretends to write for himself. (On a contextual note, the weepy mood of the indie song I am currently listening to was just amplified. There was a dramatic pause in the progression of the tune just long enough to allow for a particularly heartbroken thunder drone to fill the grasping space. Undeniably perfect.) Indie kids with their earth tones, Canadian manor, pin adorned messenger bags and mostly-portable acoustic guitars. Borrowing lines from their favorite songs at poetry readings in their favorite disappearing local coffee shops. Restless in the midwest because winter is so long. Stay sad, Indie. We salute you.
This rainstorm is nothing. One summer in Maryland I spent the night through a mightily powerful thunderstorm. Raindrops the size of a glass of water pounded down at the rate of nearly 5 inches per second, drilling through the roof of the guest room, tearing down the residence and generally demolishing the area. It tore through the estate in a style similar to ants decomposing a carcass on high-speed film. And the lightning - oh the lightning! - it did battle with itself the whole night through. Sort of. And anyway, even if it didn’t it could have licked tonight’s lightning in a rap battle. No small accomplishment. Doubtlessly a racking storm.
A disjointed entry, to be sure. It did not touch on some things that happened this week: the first band competition at which the drumline won with a score of 88.0, the beginning of a new approach to the opposite sex thanks to our friend Enrique Alejo, or a pair of jeans too large held up with a newly acquired old belt. Yet it was a solid, productive entry that will defend itself to the end.
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| I said why not put my "senior journals" here, too |
[09 Oct 2005|10:29pm] |
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mood |
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 isolated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Mercury Program - You Yourself Are Too Serious |
] |
To: Gavin Ellowitz of the Future
From: Gavin Ellowitz of Right Now
Subject: Senior Journal
Date: 9 October 2005
This is the journal for the week of 2 October 2005. *The topic, what I look like and what I’d like to look like will be, for the most part, covered.
I like to label things. It comes from being left-brained. I like to label people, genrefy music and class and subclass everything I come across. I’d give myself the label “hardcore” because I fit it. Hardcore kids wear close-fitting black shirts with bands on them that they bought at shows. They wear camo shorts or dark Dickies shorts or athletic shorts with Straight-Edge slogans on them. They hold their shorts or close-fitting pants up with studded white belts. Wrapping their feet are black Converse Jack Purcells or Chuck Taylors or old-school Vans outside of hidden ankle-socks or short black socks. Their hairless faces are wrapped in earlobes stretched by gauges from 00 to an inch and a half and are crowned with dyed-black angular haircuts crammed into black or camo Castro hats or the hoods of their plain black hoodies or band merch hoodies or hoodies by the brand To Die For, which advocates a straight-edge lifestyle. Slapped onto the backs of their hands are heavy, geometric Xs done in sharpie to let fellow abstainers that they do not succumb to the temptation of drugs, alcohol or promiscuous sex. You’ll find them with their arms folded and their shoulders shrugged because shoulders are tough. The ones who aren’t straight-edge will be smoking a cigarette. No exceptions. Look for them on Myspace. You’ll find them. No exceptions. They’ll be at some 24 hour joint talking with their friends about some show they were just at or some show they’re about to go to or some album they just heard or some album they can’t wait to hear or how tough some kid is or how much they need to beat up another kid. That’s enough of this.
I just bought the album “a data learn the language” by The Mercury Program. It’s 47 minutes and 9 seconds without a single word and it may say more than any other album I own or have downloaded. Girls want you to be their boyfriend otherwise they won’t hang out with you. They’ll find someone who will be and spend all their time with them. Any friends of yours who are girls are only good friends with you until they find someone to occupy their time. The thought of spending all of my time with one person horrifies me. But then again, I spend all of my time with two people without problem. I don’t know what I’ll do when they or I move away and we lose touch. We will. Horrifying.
Maybe next week’s journal will be on the lighter side. We all hope.
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[09 Oct 2005|08:37pm] |
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music |
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all that crap i just put there |
] |
Open your MP3 player and put the songs on shuffle
Pick the first 25 and type out some lyrics in the song
Post them for others to guess
Cross them out once someone has figured it out
1. Instrumental
2. Instrumental
3. Instrumental
4. No friendly non threatening corporate lackey mucks in a totem lucy in the sky with diamonds five dollars to hold em
5. Just then, Peter's grandfather came out. He was angry with Peter because he'd gone in to the meadow.
6. I lit out from Reno I was trailed by 20 hounds Didn't get to sleep that night till the morning came round
7. The moon below the trees baithed in cool breeze silver starlight breaks down the night
8. It's not me who's the operator, but you're going down down but don't take me out i'll just fall down once again
9. Instrumental
10. Instrumental
11. drip drip drop there goes an eargasm now you comin out the side of your face we be tappin right into your memory banks
12. Instrumental
13. you rather see me in the pen than me an lorenzo rollin in a benzo beat a police out of shape and when im finished bring the yellow tape
14. If I'm a writer, and I'm a poet, I might love you, But never show it You should forget me, this is a long tour, And I'll be back but, not in time for...
15. Sever your relation to those who are dependent on breathing the obvious in it only turns your lips blue.
16. Back again right where i started and id give anything to take me out of the shallow water that ive been drowning in so long
17. Ke Ano Ahiahi
18. Instrumental
19. Instrumental
20. They're waiting for my next move (next fatal breath) Human lives to me seem so unreal, can't see through the fog (nothing past a grey wall) see past the stereotype
21. Catching it straight in the face the soles of my feet are getting dirty and scraped from the floors in my space
22. all was well on the homefront till those mangly menace of self righteous humans brought the roaring machines and swept away their homes and stole the welcome sign the coalition of working beavers decided to take matters into their own hands
23.A stubborn glance, a chance to watch me all unwind I see your eyes x-ray my insides I wish you’d grab my hand ‘cause we’re falling fast. You and me – looks like the last time we hold hands
24. See the animal in his cage that you built Are you sure what side you're on? Better not look him too closely in the eye Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
25. how far would you go to satisfy everything that youve longed for wanted oh so bad it seemed to take over your world nothing in this life is ever free
good luck with any of it. not that anyone reads this.
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| xAxTESTxOFxSTRENGTHx |
[21 Sep 2005|09:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
I was having trouble remembering the name "John Lennon," which is one of the most important names in musical history, today and I knew that now was definitely a good time to begin this sXe experiment. Therefore this is my formal statement that for at least a year I will be testing my will and attempting to abstain.
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| rufus |
[04 Sep 2005|12:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Esoteric - Untill the Grave Gives Up the Ghost |
] |
i need to find grindcore musicians so i can hollar the gibberish i am sent in spam emails:
a builder at once, there is something quite real in that. A man gains a
position, he becomes a citizen, has his own sign, his own house of people?
And though he was well spoken of, did he not also wish to kill the architect
who built the castle for him, with its thick walls and
call for his workmen: so I shall be a builder. If all goes well, in
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| Mars |
[15 Aug 2005|01:57am] |
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At 01:58 Monday, 15 August, 2005, I know what will happen on this glorious planet.
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| save the scene, stop going to shows? |
[19 Jul 2005|10:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 esoteric |
] |
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music |
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The Mars Volta - Take the Veil, Cerpin Taxt |
] |
not that i profess to really know anything about the honest-to-god hardcore scene, but it's like omgwtfbbq? okay, because none of the bands on the scene you're so righteously trying to save support themselves with ticket sales and revenue from merchandise they sell at said shows. you're so pissed off because 14-year-old "new jacks" are listening to the music you've been listening to since you were fourteen. they definitely don't know what it's like to be fourteen and discover something beautiful like your music. they're just in it for the image. yeah. thats it. cause you weren't. you really mean it. you're incredibly tuff and don't take shit from anyone. they can't identify with the lyricists' internal struggles like you can. so save the scene and stop going to shows.
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| Zero Poop Modesty |
[06 Mar 2005|12:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 empty gas tank |
] |
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music |
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ringing in my ears |
] |
I drove to RSM and back twice and to Oceanside and back yesterday. Needless to say my gas tank is empty a little early this time. plus my door is broken so I can't get in or out on my side. We saw the show, it was intense. My shin is all sore, it kinda hurts to walk. I'm going to a picnic today.
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| clinical style |
[16 Feb 2005|08:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 full |
] |
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music |
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Hopesfall - Dead in Magazines |
] |
I am a platonic womanizer and it is getting to be a problem.
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| we went to the beach today |
[25 Jan 2005|09:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 foooot stiiiiiiings |
] |
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music |
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The Mercury Program - Leaving the Capitol City |
] |
you should have seen it when we got to the car, it was a gnarly mess. this kills:
But still beat the hell out of studying and worrying about finals.
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| Hot Soup |
[23 Jan 2005|03:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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clean |
] |
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music |
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He is Legend - You Sound Like a White Boy |
] |
I had a cool dream last night. We were at school for a band or drumline comp or whatever, but we were just kickin it for a while, so me and Ben started skating all over the campus, on the grass and stuff cuz there weren't any curbs. But then they made us stop because we were destroying the delicate balance of the sand's formation or whatever, wtf? So we found these long snowboard kind of skateboard things and took the wheels off and used them. And all over the ground were Battle-School esque paths for Mission and whichever other school it was, ours were red gold red and theirs were black silver black, and ours led from the band room all over the place to the Field. and theirs went from I guess the drama room to the field. Anyway, after we kicked ass at skating all over the place, we were sortof late for the show so we put our drums on and our jackets, but we had our shorts and normal shoes on. and then I woke up and took an hour long shower.
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| Prettyed To Death |
[23 Jan 2005|01:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Owen - Take Care of Yourself |
] |
going on twelve years
and maybe one hundred words
she's not unfamiliar with exponents
she's their living proof
daily
she multiplys beauty by beauty
and then waves it in my face
i struggle enough to look
and some expect me to speak
i cant begin to think:
what would happen if we touch?
so i wont think
nor will i speak
i am fine to look and know
how deep we are in love
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| Music Will Think For You |
[16 Jan 2005|12:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
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coughy |
] |
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music |
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Comeback Kid - Never Fade |
] |
fibs through a hole in the wall
dollar diplomacy
i am my own fashion show
10 8 6 4 2 tape
xhatxhandxarmx
drop some mathematics
the necks only a slut
blood lost from your feet
avoids her hand
lightshows and assholes
ends at 12 am
caught with my proverbs down
they hung me in my friday suit
a cliche in my heart
a waste of ink and iron
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| Almost Another Possum |
[12 Jan 2005|10:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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ihatedancepunk |
] |
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music |
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Q and not U stuck in my head |
] |
9 o'clock and I have no homework so I'm just kickin it on the computer. mum bursts out and gives me & stefan $20 to go bowling. so we get max and go to the lanes, which we are surprised are open. there're like a billion kids there! woah! but the wait is an hour for a lane so we bail and go over to Melissa's house to drop the motherfuck and punch her in the head. we get back to Max's neighborhood and a possum is staring me down, but ducks under a truck that max keeps me from sideswiping at the last minute. sweet. Friday is a party up at Cal Poly Pomona.
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| thanks a lot, kiki |
[04 Jan 2005|09:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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fuckin introspectivity hate it |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Comeback Kid - Lorelei |
] |
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Gavin
2. Gav
3. The Jew
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. l337haxx0rer
2. VulcnMastr
3. GavManWest
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. voice
2. length of my stride
3. drivers liscence
THREE THINGS I YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. height
2. silence
3. unique/introverted personality
THREE COOL PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TO:
1. London
2. Calgary
3. San Fransisco
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. girls
2. growing up
3. whispers of infinite misery
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. close-toed shoes
2. keys
3. mobile phone
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. old, red converse all-star chucks & seaworld polar bear socks
2. shirt, men's, field the green wool one
3. dickies
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment):
1. Alexisonfire
2. The Mercury Program
3. Cannibal Ox
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
1. The Snake, The Cross, The Crown - On The Threshold of Eternity
2. The Postal Service - Brand New Colony
3. MeWithoutYou - Bullet to Binary
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. surfing
2. drumset
3. new friends
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. to be the subordinate one
2. comfort
3. low maintainance (me to get away with being cheap)
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. i dont care about winning or success
2. i'm still definitely in love with Adrienne
3. im so xedge
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. shortness in stature
2. not-blonde hair
3. lips
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. complain
2. fess up
3. comprehend the universe
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. hardcore dancing
2. attempting to comprehend the universe
3. lazing about
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. cry
2. sustain injury
3. meditate and/or pure existance(see i <3 huckabees)
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. pilot
2. announcer
3. revolutionary
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. alaska for the aurora
2. rio de janiero for carnival
3. new orleans
THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. James Sanford Ellowitz
2. Woodrow Lionel Ellowitz
3. Andraia Mary Ellowitz
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. experience a coma
2. break every bone in my body, not neccesarily at the same time
3. be homeless
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. i
2. dont
3. care
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| Pie Jesu domine, Dona eis requiem. |
[03 Jan 2005|10:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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need-a-haircut-y |
] |
| [ |
music |
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rjd2 - Clean Living |
] |
"The intense thereness of it — "haecceity," Sax had called it once, when John had asked him something about his religious beliefs — I believe in haecceity, Sax had said, in thisness, in here-and-nowness, in the particular individuality of every moment. That's why I want to know what is this? what is this? what is this? Now, remembering Sax's odd word and his odd religion, John finally understood him; because he was feeling the thisness of the moment like a rock in his hand, and it felt as if his entire life had been lived only to get him to this moment."
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